Growing Pains
by JAFootnote
Summary: He was never one to harp on the little things. But little things can become a big deal when they involve something precious. And, after all, the blame has to land somewhere, doesn't it? Shizaya


Guilt churned inside of him, enough to make him feel sick.

"Shizuo." He couldn't even look at Izaya, not now when he had inadvertently caused the suffering of the life they created together. "Shizuo look at me." He hadn't realized he was shaking until cool hands steadied his own. "I know you're thinking about something stupid." No. What he was thinking wasn't stupid, _he_ was stupid. How could he let himself believe that anything good would come from _him_ being Shizuko's father? He destroyed everything he touched. The more he loved something the more he seemed to cause it pain. Izaya was proof of that and now Shizuko-

"My fault. It's-it's my fault."

"You're being overdramatic Shizu-chan." When he didn't respond, Izaya let out a long breath before gently but insistently tugging on his hands. "Ne, come on. Let's just go talk to her."

Shizuo froze and tried to slip his hands away, only to have Izaya tighten his hold with a surprising amount of strength.

"No. There's no way I could talk to her. She probably hates me-"

Izaya clicked his tongue impatiently. "Hate you? That's impossible. That little girl loves me so much it…Anyway she loves you. Don't be more stupid than you already are. Come on."

This time Shizuo allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, following Izaya upstairs, his steps not free of apprehension. Stopping outside the door, Izaya knocked lightly, the designed name plate moving little if at all.

Shizuko giggled before calling out, "Yes?" Izaya pushed open the door and Shizuo's eyes immediately spotted Shizuko, who sat on the floor dragging a piece of string away from a hyper-focused Kanra. Shizuko's eyes lit up with joy whenever Kanra's paws managed to attack the makeshift toy.

How? How could anyone be mean to her? How could anyone bully her and call her a monster- _it's my fault_.

Unfazed by the black hole of guilt Shizuo was allowing himself to be swallowed by, Izaya chirped, "Shizuko-chan~ Can we talk to you?"

Kanra retreated with her prize which she managed to pry from Shizuko's fingers when the little girl turned her attention to her parents.

Shizuo couldn't stop the awful twist of his mouth into a snarl, anger reaching into and out of him, blurring the sides of his vision. He'd had worse, much worse, done to him at Shizuko's age. The wound on her forehead was so small that a bandage with a popular cartoon character was enough to cover it. But still. _Still_. Some stupid little bully had called her a _monster_ and shoved her headfirst into a piece of playground equipment. No, she hadn't been as seriously injured as she might have been if she was anyone's child but his, but then she wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place.

He almost jumped when cool fingers covered his tightly balled fist. He turned to meet Izaya's eyes which steadily regarded him and told him to- _breathe, she's fine_ -calm down. Closing his eyes, Shizuo counted to five as he breathed in the calming oxygen his anger had expelled, then exhaled slowly, nodding silently. He opened his eyes and looked at Shizuko, who turned uncomfortable eyes from one parent to the other from her seat on her bed, making him hate himself for a different reason. Shizuo smiled, as genuinely as he could manage, and was relieved to see Shizuko's face relax a little.

Following Izaya's lead, he sat on one side of Shizuko, Izaya flanking her on the other.

"What's wrong?" Shizuko asked carefully, looking to Izaya since Shizuo found it hard to meet that searching stare.

Shizuo couldn't help the feeling of envy as Izaya smiled easily and gently ran his hand through Shizuko's dark bangs.

"Daddy and I spoke to your teacher." Izaya said cheerily.

"Oh." Shizuko murmured quietly, and Shizuo could swear he recognized that tone, that dejected, inwardly directed tone, and he felt helpless watching it envelop his daughter. "Is it about my forehead?"

"Mm-hmm. Do you want to tell us what happened?" Izaya asked lightly, looking meaningfully at Shizuo.

"We were just playing. Tomoya-kun got angry out of no where when I kept beating him to goal and throwing the ball farther than him. He yelled at me saying girls weren't supposed to be faster or stronger than boys. I told him that was sexist." Shizuo saw his look of endearing pride and amusement mirrored on Izaya's face. Shizuko huffed before continuing, "So he called me a monster and pushed me into the slide."

And just like that Shizuo's features grew serious again. A monster? Shizuko? No, just guilty by association.

Shizuko was quick to notice and smooth over. "B-but it didn't really hurt that much! I'm fine!"

"I don't think that's all Daddy's mad about, Shizu-chan."

Shizuko demurred and looked at Shizuo tentatively, like she was afraid- _of me? Please don't let her be afraid of me. I love her so much and I'm so fucking sorry for cursing her with this_ -

"Are you mad that I got in a fight?"

Shizuo blinked in confusion.

"I know you hate violence and fighting," Shizuko seemed to want to focus more on her sock-covered feet than on Shizuo who couldn't understand what she was saying. "Are you mad at me for fighting?" She asked but he heard what she really meant.

"Shizuko." He waited until red eyes met his stare. This time he didn't have to force his smile when he looked at his daughter. "I could never hate you." Shizuo placed his hand on her head as she looked up shocked. "Never."

Shock gave way to uncertainty on Shizuko's face. "But then why are you mad?"

Before Shizuo could answer, Izaya chimed in, effectively turning the attention back to himself and diffusing the tender moment, the bastard.

"Daddy's mad because that boy called you a monster, ne~" Leave it to the flea to be blunt, but Shizuko was unfazed which made sense because if anyone was more used to him than Shizuo, it was her.

"How come?"

Shizuo shifted uncomfortably. "I mean…didn't what he said, what he called you, didn't it hurt your feelings?"

Shizuko shook her head and answered simply, "No." Shizuo could only echo her in question. "I'm not a monster." Not for the first time, and in all likelihood not for the last, Shizuo felt like a child-and more than a little silly-when Shizuko grinned his own grin back at him and clarified. "I'm a hero!" Shizuo could only gawk when Shizuko said, "And since I got my powers from Daddy, that means you're a hero too!"

Izaya grabbed Shizuko and pulled her into his lap, placing his chin on top of her head. There was no malice or hidden agendas in the grin Izaya sent him, just a look Shizuo knew was reserved for him and only him (though Izaya would probably fall on one of his own blades before he allowed any admission of it) mixed with a hint of _'I told you so~'_. But it was obviously foul play when Izaya winked and practically purred, "See? You're a hero, Daddy."

Shizuo never got tired of teaching Izaya that two could play at any game his devious little mind could come up with. "Really?" He asked, waiting for confusion to seep onto both of the faces turned toward him. "Am I a hero?" Shizuo let his expression change into a watered-down version of the crazed look that always was associated by Ikebukuro with Izaya and danger- _one tantamount to the other, two names for the exact same damned beautiful thing_. "Or am I the tickle monster?!"

Izaya had just enough time to go from confused to horrified to giving Shizuo a piercing glare that said, "Don't you dare". But Shizuo made it a point to _always_ dare when it came to the red eyed headache that gave him more than he could ever thank him for. That didn't mean he couldn't try; an attempt in the form of tackling both sources of his happiness and being rewarded with laughter varying in willingness.

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 _Fluffy family fluff is fluffy, ne. I re-read this recently and almost changed the premise thinking, 'Seriously? Who would react like this?' But then I remembered how terrified, and frankly paranoid, Shizuo is about his strength causing harm to someone he cares about. He sees it as a curse and I can only imagine what his feelings would be if he were to pass it on to his child. He would realize eventually that he had no reason to be so fearful, but his initial emotions would most likely be apprehensive._

 _Please be sure to read the Shizaya fics by Novoux. They are life._

 _Thank you for reading._


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